Days after the break up with Colin I did what I always do after a traumatic break up…I attempted to find solace in the embrace of another. I knew that I couldn’t replace Colin, he was irreplaceable, but, if nothing else, I could feel wanted by someone else. So, I turned on my computer and went looking at that “List” that one guy has for people looking for things…and I was simply looking for an encounter of a casual, no strings attached nature.
There were so many people on there who were just putting it “all” out there, which is just not my style, after all I had never really done anything like this. But alas I managed to find my diamond in the rough; there was Tory’s ad among the sea of men posting pictures of their unmentionables and saying things that might make a porn star blush. His ad was straight to the point and exactly what I was looking for and his picture was one of his face and he was cute. So, I emailed him.
He responded quickly and we exchanged a number of emails throughout the day. None of which were pornographic at all in nature…just two people getting to know each other. We did discuss that I was a bit leery of this whole thing and not really sure that I’d want a random stranger to know where I lived plus I couldn’t even be sure that he was the guy in the pictures. So, we agreed to meet up in a public place and just see if where things went from there.
Only both our night’s got all jumbled up and by the time that we were able to get together that night was well after midnight. Sure we could’ve postponed the whole thing, but by this time I had already talked myself into meeting this guy, so…since Tory was in my neck of the woods, I just decided to invite him over. He and I talked and agreed that we’d just chill out, have a couple of drinks and if I felt uncomfortable in any way he’d leave. So, I threw caution to the wind, obviously, and invited a random stranger to my house for…who knows what.
Tory was just like his pictures and emails made him out to be so there was no disappointment there. He and I had a couple of shots of rum in order to loosen up and just started talking. He was really easy to talk to. I instantly felt comfortable, which he definitely picked up on. Within 20 minutes we were five shots in and I was playing dress up in my old Halloween costumes – changing in front of him, my inner exhibitionist coming out in all her glory.
By the time I got to the last outfit, we were both a little worked up and we both just went for it. And it lasted for hours. Neither one of us finished (even though he thought I did three times) but I still enjoyed myself nonetheless. He said that he stopped himself a couple of times, which ultimately stopped it for good. I, however, had my mind someplace else. Colin. Being with Tory was nice, but he wasn’t Colin and I knew it. It was like my brain wasn’t allowing my body to have any fun.
I wondered if this was going to be permanent. I hoped that it was a onetime thing…it wasn’t. Tory and I hooked up a number of times thereafter, despite my claims to him, I have never been able to finish. Oh man, this could be bad.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
The months the Earth stood still
A little less than two months out of a ten month relationship with a miserable person I was happily single again; doing all of the things that single girls do and enjoying every minute of it – dinners and movies with friends, weekend getaways, and just meeting new and different people. I had no intention of meeting the man of dreams…I really was just happy being single and not wasting my time on the hypocrisy anymore that was that last ten months of my life.
Then one Saturday morning at the beginning of May 2010, I sent a text my friend and co-worker Mandy asking her what she was up to; she said that she was just hanging out with her dog. After a couple of messages back and forth, Mandy and I decided to go out and have some fun. Going out with Mandy was always a good time! Fun seemed to find Mandy, but maybe that’s because Mandy loved to get her drunk on (that’s not a typo). Mandy was the ultimate party girl. Despite the fact that she had a boyfriend, she took every opportunity that came her way to get drunk with the girls and usually ended up hooking up with some random stranger in the parking lot or taking him home. So, there we were, out on the town,with Fat Tuesday’s, Hooter's, Blondie's, and a number of other bars just packed with people. We started drinking the moment that we got there. Starting with rumrunners at Fat Tuesday’s and then to another bar that Mandy used to frequent. Ultimately, after stopping at a couple of places for drinks and lunch we ended up at the Elbo Room with a really good buzz and the hunt was on for the both of us.
Young, old, white, black, Hispanic, tattooed, clean-cut men were everywhere. Mandy was pointing them all out – the good, the bad, the ugly – when she pointed out the guy that was sitting next to me (my back was to him) and telling me that he reminded her of our boss. I casually looked over my shoulder and said, “No way! He’s really cute!” He was totally my type…clean-cut, light colored eyes, young looking face, amazing smile with dimples. I was instantly attracted to him. So, what did I do? What I normally do when I'm interested in a guy, I kept my back to him and talked (softly) about him to Mandy.
Mandy finally leaned over me and started to talk to him. Once she got the ball rolling, he and I managed to take it from there. His name was Colin Haines and he was perfect in every way…but in no way that I could describe to you. I’ve heard people say about meeting people that “I’ll know it when I see it”…I think I knew it. And maybe he knew it too. That afternoon he declared to Mandy and I that from then on I was his girlfriend and that we were going to be exclusive. I laughed because obviously we all had been drinking but he was just honest. Most guys wouldn’t say anything like – drinking or not – for fear that they’d create a stalker of sorts.
He had plans that night but canceled them to hang out with me. The first place was quiet enough for us to talk a little, get to know each other a little more, but there wasn’t anything that he could say that would make think that he wasn’t amazing. He was the perfect gentleman (I didn’t think that those guys still existed); he refused to let me pay (and I did offer because that’s the kind of girl I am), when we left he actually reached for my hand and held it – fingers intertwined, he made sure that he walked on the sidewalk closest to the street, he listened and really heard, when we got the second place three sets of girls looked at him and followed him – they wanted him but he only noticed me…like I said...perfect.
So what do I do that night? I broke the cardinal rule of dating, especially if you really like a guy, and I slept with him. That’s right the first night! He lived close to where we were and being the gentleman that he was he didn’t want me to drive home (which was actually about 45 minutes away) after I had been drinking. He said that he’d sleep on the couch but he couldn’t let me drive home. (I know what you’re thinking, that was his line – his move – but he actually offered to pay for me to take a cab home if I was uncomfortable.) So, we went back to his place and…one thing lead to another and no one slept on the couch that night.
Luckily for me, Colin wasn’t one of those guys that felt that if a girl slept with you the first night that she’s a whore. He called me the next day – and every day thereafter. We saw each other as often as we could considering that we lived 45 minutes apart. I spent nights at his place during the week and he’d spend weekend nights with me; phone calls and texts every day. In fact, after that first night, we really were exclusive…there was no one else that either one of us wanted to be with. When my phone would ring and I saw that it was him calling or texting my face lit up and every time I saw him my heart beat a little faster.
But…there’s always a “but” isn’t there…after two months of being blissfully happy Colin sends me a text message on Saturday afternoon at the end of June saying that he’s sorry that he can’t do this in person but it’s just too hard for him, but he’s moving back to California for a job in the fall, so he can’t see me anymore. I was shocked! He never mentioned a job offer of any kind and now he was moving…and he couldn’t see me anymore…WTF?!?! I insisted that he at least talk to me, he didn’t want to do because he didn’t want to hear me cry and I did cry (I still am), but ultimately he did call and we talked. Again, he said that he was sorry, but that this job was going to ultimately get him home to be closer to his parents and he wanted/needed to be closer to them and that long distance relationships didn’t work and it was better if we stopped seeing each other now because if we got anymore attached to each other it would be that much harder when it was time for him to leave. What could I do? A two month relationship, as wonderful as it was for the both of us (I know he was feeling the same way because he told me all the time how this was different) couldn’t compete with a job and family, especially when people tell us so often that if a relationship doesn’t work out that it wasn’t meant to be and another one is out there waiting. So, I let him go – that day. We said that we’d stay friends, but how can you be friends with someone that makes your heart happy and ache all at the same time? How do you get past that?
And that’s my story of the perfect guy for me…You know how a lot of times when you start to date someone and there are these little things that you overlook - the red-flags - because you think deep down they’re a good person and that they’ll be different with you. Well, Colin didn’t have ANY of those. Maybe things he did or said were red-flags to other girls, which is why he was single and there at the Elbo Room at just the right moment, but there were no red-flags for me. There was nothing he did or said that made me think, “I don’t really like that, but I’ll deal with it” or “He’ll stop doing that for me”. If I could’ve created the perfect guy for me he would’ve come out a lot like Colin.
So where does one go from here? When it’s taken you 32 years to find the perfect person for you and for whatever reasons they’ve been taken away from you? Do you listen to everyone else when they tell you that “everything happens for a reason” or that maybe it means he wasn’t the right guy? How do you date other people knowing the whole time that the person that you really want is literally across the country?
Hmm…I guess I’m going to find out. But with that said, I’m not settling for anything less than what I had with Colin. You could be an amazing guy but if you don’t make me feel like Colin did then I’m on to the next guy…and if that means that I spend the rest of my life single then that’s life. Colin set the bar high and I, honestly, I don’t think that I’ll ever find someone that’s even half as amazing as he is. I think that he was “my one”…the problem is that sometimes life doesn’t always have a happy ending.
Writing has always been a good coping mechanism for me so this begins my blog about the single life after meeting and losing “the one”. Am I really emotionally unavailable (which is the way I feel right now) or just unavailable to all those completely unworthy? Can I meet someone just as amazing as Colin? Who knows, but I’ve been told that my dates are always pretty amusing, so if nothing else I can amuse myself (and hopefully you) that way…thanks for reading. And your comments are always welcome.
Then one Saturday morning at the beginning of May 2010, I sent a text my friend and co-worker Mandy asking her what she was up to; she said that she was just hanging out with her dog. After a couple of messages back and forth, Mandy and I decided to go out and have some fun. Going out with Mandy was always a good time! Fun seemed to find Mandy, but maybe that’s because Mandy loved to get her drunk on (that’s not a typo). Mandy was the ultimate party girl. Despite the fact that she had a boyfriend, she took every opportunity that came her way to get drunk with the girls and usually ended up hooking up with some random stranger in the parking lot or taking him home. So, there we were, out on the town,with Fat Tuesday’s, Hooter's, Blondie's, and a number of other bars just packed with people. We started drinking the moment that we got there. Starting with rumrunners at Fat Tuesday’s and then to another bar that Mandy used to frequent. Ultimately, after stopping at a couple of places for drinks and lunch we ended up at the Elbo Room with a really good buzz and the hunt was on for the both of us.
Young, old, white, black, Hispanic, tattooed, clean-cut men were everywhere. Mandy was pointing them all out – the good, the bad, the ugly – when she pointed out the guy that was sitting next to me (my back was to him) and telling me that he reminded her of our boss. I casually looked over my shoulder and said, “No way! He’s really cute!” He was totally my type…clean-cut, light colored eyes, young looking face, amazing smile with dimples. I was instantly attracted to him. So, what did I do? What I normally do when I'm interested in a guy, I kept my back to him and talked (softly) about him to Mandy.
Mandy finally leaned over me and started to talk to him. Once she got the ball rolling, he and I managed to take it from there. His name was Colin Haines and he was perfect in every way…but in no way that I could describe to you. I’ve heard people say about meeting people that “I’ll know it when I see it”…I think I knew it. And maybe he knew it too. That afternoon he declared to Mandy and I that from then on I was his girlfriend and that we were going to be exclusive. I laughed because obviously we all had been drinking but he was just honest. Most guys wouldn’t say anything like – drinking or not – for fear that they’d create a stalker of sorts.
He had plans that night but canceled them to hang out with me. The first place was quiet enough for us to talk a little, get to know each other a little more, but there wasn’t anything that he could say that would make think that he wasn’t amazing. He was the perfect gentleman (I didn’t think that those guys still existed); he refused to let me pay (and I did offer because that’s the kind of girl I am), when we left he actually reached for my hand and held it – fingers intertwined, he made sure that he walked on the sidewalk closest to the street, he listened and really heard, when we got the second place three sets of girls looked at him and followed him – they wanted him but he only noticed me…like I said...perfect.
So what do I do that night? I broke the cardinal rule of dating, especially if you really like a guy, and I slept with him. That’s right the first night! He lived close to where we were and being the gentleman that he was he didn’t want me to drive home (which was actually about 45 minutes away) after I had been drinking. He said that he’d sleep on the couch but he couldn’t let me drive home. (I know what you’re thinking, that was his line – his move – but he actually offered to pay for me to take a cab home if I was uncomfortable.) So, we went back to his place and…one thing lead to another and no one slept on the couch that night.
Luckily for me, Colin wasn’t one of those guys that felt that if a girl slept with you the first night that she’s a whore. He called me the next day – and every day thereafter. We saw each other as often as we could considering that we lived 45 minutes apart. I spent nights at his place during the week and he’d spend weekend nights with me; phone calls and texts every day. In fact, after that first night, we really were exclusive…there was no one else that either one of us wanted to be with. When my phone would ring and I saw that it was him calling or texting my face lit up and every time I saw him my heart beat a little faster.
But…there’s always a “but” isn’t there…after two months of being blissfully happy Colin sends me a text message on Saturday afternoon at the end of June saying that he’s sorry that he can’t do this in person but it’s just too hard for him, but he’s moving back to California for a job in the fall, so he can’t see me anymore. I was shocked! He never mentioned a job offer of any kind and now he was moving…and he couldn’t see me anymore…WTF?!?! I insisted that he at least talk to me, he didn’t want to do because he didn’t want to hear me cry and I did cry (I still am), but ultimately he did call and we talked. Again, he said that he was sorry, but that this job was going to ultimately get him home to be closer to his parents and he wanted/needed to be closer to them and that long distance relationships didn’t work and it was better if we stopped seeing each other now because if we got anymore attached to each other it would be that much harder when it was time for him to leave. What could I do? A two month relationship, as wonderful as it was for the both of us (I know he was feeling the same way because he told me all the time how this was different) couldn’t compete with a job and family, especially when people tell us so often that if a relationship doesn’t work out that it wasn’t meant to be and another one is out there waiting. So, I let him go – that day. We said that we’d stay friends, but how can you be friends with someone that makes your heart happy and ache all at the same time? How do you get past that?
And that’s my story of the perfect guy for me…You know how a lot of times when you start to date someone and there are these little things that you overlook - the red-flags - because you think deep down they’re a good person and that they’ll be different with you. Well, Colin didn’t have ANY of those. Maybe things he did or said were red-flags to other girls, which is why he was single and there at the Elbo Room at just the right moment, but there were no red-flags for me. There was nothing he did or said that made me think, “I don’t really like that, but I’ll deal with it” or “He’ll stop doing that for me”. If I could’ve created the perfect guy for me he would’ve come out a lot like Colin.
So where does one go from here? When it’s taken you 32 years to find the perfect person for you and for whatever reasons they’ve been taken away from you? Do you listen to everyone else when they tell you that “everything happens for a reason” or that maybe it means he wasn’t the right guy? How do you date other people knowing the whole time that the person that you really want is literally across the country?
Hmm…I guess I’m going to find out. But with that said, I’m not settling for anything less than what I had with Colin. You could be an amazing guy but if you don’t make me feel like Colin did then I’m on to the next guy…and if that means that I spend the rest of my life single then that’s life. Colin set the bar high and I, honestly, I don’t think that I’ll ever find someone that’s even half as amazing as he is. I think that he was “my one”…the problem is that sometimes life doesn’t always have a happy ending.
Writing has always been a good coping mechanism for me so this begins my blog about the single life after meeting and losing “the one”. Am I really emotionally unavailable (which is the way I feel right now) or just unavailable to all those completely unworthy? Can I meet someone just as amazing as Colin? Who knows, but I’ve been told that my dates are always pretty amusing, so if nothing else I can amuse myself (and hopefully you) that way…thanks for reading. And your comments are always welcome.
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